Soccer Weekends!

Before I got married and had kids, the only thing that I knew about soccer was that it was played somewhere besides Alabama. I thought it was some sport that was played in Europe because they didnt know how to play real football. When I met my wife and her family, I became aware that it was played in the US, but apparently only out west in Arizona and California where all of the enlightened people live. We spent a year in Houston, Texas and low and behold it was played there too. Thats when Josh first started playing. Now our lives seem to revolve around it. Both kids have tried baseball and football, but have eventually come back to soccer as their favorite (much to their fathers dismay). However, if they enjoy it, and it envolves outdoor activity and exercise, so be it. My wife currently posts our schedule on the fridge so that we (i'm being generous....its really for those outside of Krista's head) can keep our schedules straight. Currently we have practices every night except for Friday during the week, and we generally play games on both Saturday and Sunday (for both boys...so double your pleasure).

This weekend was one of the weekends where both boys are playing games, however they are playing in different places......in this case different cities......and different states.... Krista and I have to tag team and divide and conquer in these cases. Krista took Josh to his game and I took Matthew on Saturday and then we switched on Sunday. Now comes the fun part...... All day on Saturday, I had been telling people that Krista was with Josh in Hammond, LA at a tournament. Hammond is about 3o miles west of Mandeville. I just knew it to be a fact.... Dont ask me why.... I just did. So on Sunday morning, we got up and got ready. Krista helped me get everything that we would need together and even went so far as to put a map to the fields in the SUV. She showed it to me. It was unspecific other than specifying the exit number and then directions to the field from there. Great! Thats all I really need. We have to be there 45 minutes before game time so we left about an hour before that. Josh and I are having great coversations and discussions about Fantasy Football and the college football games from Saturday. We are laughing and discussing the game to come. He innocently asks me, "Are we almost there Dad?". I check the exit number and let him know that its just a few more miles....Exit 28.... I get distracted and realize that I must have passed the exit so I have to turn around to go back. Josh nervously laughs and just shakes his head at me. I then start watching the mile markers closely. 25....26.....27.....28.....29......Wait a second..... They must have made a typo on the exit number.... Nope...... Thats when I realize that Josh's game is in Gulfport, Mississippi.....in the exact opposite direction than i had been travelling for the last 45 minutes... Its 915 and Joshes game begins in 45 minutes.... After doing the math in my head, I come to the obvious conclusion that we will miss a significant portion of the game. Josh is crushed and distraught, but after losing it for a few minutes, he eventually tells me, "Its OK, Daddy.." Josh then confiscates my cell phones so that I can no longer be distracted.

We make it to the game during the second half. Josh doesnt get to play in that game, but gets to play in the second game and does pretty well. We play some tough, and dirty, teams and lose both games in hard fought battles. I sat with the other parents who appeared to be looking at me with some degree of pity after becoming aware of my odyssey. I try to cheer at the right time and sound like I know what I'm talking about..... "He's offsides!" "That should be a yellow card!".... After all is said and done, I still have no idea how the game is played nor do I really have any desire to learn.... I just try to be supportive and tell the boys to "be aggressive". Maybe that will count for something someday if they ever decide to play a sport that I understand....

Kids and Sports

Our weekend rituals consist of ferrying the boys to a variety of activities, from Fun Night to birthday parties to baseball/soccer/soccer/football games. We often joke that we need a weekend to recover from the weekend. Sports, in my opinion, are critical in teaching our kids some pretty important lessons that will serve them throughout their lives. We've had both good and bad experiences with the boys and sports, but all have helped to shape the boys into the fine young men that they are becoming. We've tried to stress to them that the difficult times (losing streaks, belligerent coaches, difficult teammates, bad calls by officials, etc.) teach them more than the good times. That's sometimes hard for a 9-11 year old to understand, but I still think that its critical to explain it to them and try to help them put things in perspective. I've been constantly amazed at how my kids have internalized what I've explained to them to become more mature human beings and better teammates.

Although we've been very fortunate with the coaches, parents, and teammates (on the whole) that we've had over the past few years, I've witnessed some behaviors that also teach some lessons. First, I'll be the first to admit that I've had no formal experience with coaching, nor have I played organized sports at a high level. I say that to prefice the fact that this is just my opinion as a parent and a fan of sports in general. To this point, I've also not been willing to commit the time to coach, nor do I believe that I am qualified to teach the kids what they need to know beyond a certain point. I admire and appreciate those that are willing to do so. The coaches for my kids teams have run the gamut from those that have had formal experience and backgrounds that qualify them to teach the fundamentals of the sports that they are coaching to those volunteer Dads that just want their kids and their teammates to have fun. If I was asked to offer advice to someone that was considering coaching kids, I would probably boil it down to the following:

*Don't relive your childhood at the expense of the kids that you are coaching
*While winning is important, it should not overshadow the importance of playing the game the right way, both fundamentally and ethically. The kids will be watching you and how you act and respond to certain situations. What will you teach them?
*Effort should be praised along with results. Talent will vary, but if a kid is hustling and trying hard, they should be recognized for the effort. To use a baseball analogy, you'll never hit anything if you dont swing the bat. A word of encouragement from you may enable a kid to overcome fears or insecurities that could affect them for years.
*Don't underestimate the impact that you can have on the kids. How many of us remember that one coach or teacher that affected us profoundly duing our childhood?

Some of these same lessons apply to how we should behave as parents. I think that we often forget that our kids learn how to be adults, friend, fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, sons, and daughters from US. They watch us and how we interact with the world around us to LEARN how to handle the challenges that will face them throughout their lives. The next time you stand up to scream at an umpire or referree about a bad call or complain about the coach putting a less talented kid in a key position that might affect the outcome of a game within earshot of your kids, just ask youself, "What lesson have I just taught my kids?" Til, then.......Game On!

Jed and Rufus

In addition to my sons, our family also has two other boys that keep us hopping. Jed, our yellow lab, came to us from a friend of Krista's in Houston. He has never missed a beat in his relocation to our home. By all accounts, he is a perfect dog....and has been since we got him. He has always been a great house dog, even when he topped out at 90 pounds or so. When he needs to go outside, he walks to the door and patiently (and very quietly) waits for someone to open the door for him. He then goes out (unsupervised), does what he needs to do, and then comes back to the door. If its left cracked open he gently pushes through it. The only thing that he doesnt do is close the door behind him. He has been great with the kids from the time that they were little. He was very happy in his life as our only dog.....then Rufus arrived.

My wife called me one day to tell me that one of her coworkers had been driving down the Interstate when she noticed cars swerving in front of her. She then saw a tiny black lab prancing down the middle of the interstate. She quickly pulled off the interstate, ran out into traffic (not kidding), and rescued the pup. She brought it to work where everyone ooh'd and ahh'd. As my wife was describing this to me and how cute and adorable he was, I was saying to myself...."Crap....we are about to get another dog". My fears were confirmed when she called to say that they were having trouble finding the puppy a home. She asked the question, "If we cant find anyone to take him, do we want him?" Hearing a sense of longing and a bit of desperation in her voice, I said, "If there are no other options, we can take him." Since then, we have considered taking him back to the interstate several times.

Since he arrived at the house, Jed has aged at least twice his normal rate. He nips, bites, and generally annoys the crap out of him all the time. I am sure that in his own doggy way, he said, "What the heck is this?....Why are you doing this???" when we brought him home. Now, whenever Rufus does what Rufus does, Jed looks at us with this expression, "See.....I told you not to keep him...". Rufus is about 8 months old now, and is taller than Jed, who is 10 years old. He is a puppy in every sense of the word. He chews, pees, craps, and generally wears us out on a daily basis. In direct opposition to Jed, when we let Rufus out, he just wanders around sniffing and digging wherever he chooses. After about 20 minutes, we are ready for him to come inside. Then the fun begins from his perspective. We tell him to come inside, and use every enticement that we can think of. He just stares back at us with a look that screams, "Huh?" Then when we reach the point were we have exhausted our patience, we go out into the yard to "coax" him back inside. That's where he begins to dodge, dip, dart, and generally make fools out of us. I can only imagine what our neighbors are saying...."Honey, that guy is running around in his boxers chasing that dog again...."

They have given us some funny stories though....well....they are funny now. Krista called me on the phone one afternoon. We had just returned from a trip, and she was picking up the dogs from the boarder. She had them in the minivan and was on her way back to the house. That's when she looked into the rear view mirror and saw Rufus in that familiar "hunch" to dog owners, and began to smell another familiar odor. She screamed..."Nooooooooo! ......" to no avail....although he did have a very distressed expression during the act, according to Krista. I couldnt help laughing while she was describing what had happened, but she didnt find it as funny. Another time, I woke up around 11pm when I felt Rufus jump on the bed. As I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes, I heard a familiar sound. It sounded like a fountain.... As my eyes came into focus, I heard Krista ask....."Is he peeing on me??....." Sure enough, he was standing at the foot of the bed relieving himself and "marking" his mommy. Yep, there are times that I hear that Interstate calling...... and I catch Jed looking at me with an expression that couldnt say "I told you so" any more clearly than if he could speak.

Josh and Matthew

My boys are two of the most incredible little human beings that I've ever seen. Josh, my 11-year old, is thoughtful, sensitive, and very much in touch with the world around him. He is very passionate about his hobbies and interests, currently soccer and paintball. Matthew, my 8-soon-to-be-9-year-old, is my daredevil. If there's a ramp, he'll jump it. He is also very passionate about his hobbies, which over the last year have ranged from origami (he taught his class how to make all of the animals that he learned how to make on YouTube...), magic (again, he put on magic shows using all of the tricks that he learned on YouTube....), arts and crafts (anything that you can imagine....our house is full of scraps of paper and anything else that you can imagine), and whatever else he comes across. Both of them are very mature and extraordinary young men. Many people tell me so on a regular basis, and their teachers tell me about how intelligent and creative that they are. We know all of these things to be true..... then we come home and begin our night-time routines....

Most nights at the Parker household probably resemble many other households of parents with younger children. The typical homework, dinner, shower, pajama, tooth brushing, and other mundane routines that we do EVERY night... This is pretty standard stuff. Homework....assuming that all books and assignments are brought home and brought to our attention....is generally not that complex and difficult of an issue. The aforementioned assumptions usually are.... Dinner is normally also not that big of an issue. It is usually out of a box or a can (neither my wife or I are chefs), and our boys are pretty good eaters. Showers....this is where we normally hit our snags. After we use our household intercom to get their attention above their closed doors and blaring televisions (consists of either me or their mother screaming across the house...), we summon both children. First, we have to determine who will go first, which generally devolves into an argument about who has gone first for the last forty-seven times (much to my Mom's chagrin, I have resorted to a coin flip....simple, easy, and incontrovertible). Then we give instructions.....basically, wash your hair and wash your body. After we determine who goes first, the unlucky victim turns the water on for what seems like an hour and waits for it to get hot enough. During the wait, a strange phenomenon occurs. It seems when you combine the lack of clothing and the mirror in the bathroom, a sort of delirium sets in, complete with strange facial expressions and body spasms... When the appropriate temperature is reached (apparently it takes 10-15 minutes for this to occur...after enough water has gone down the drain to fill Lake Ponchetrain), they gets in. Then they stand there......and stand there....and stand there. After another 10-15 minutes, the intercom again is used when we request an update on their progress. They are usually finishing washing their hair. When the unlucky victor emerges, we do a cursory examination (smell their hair, look over their bodies...usually to find a patch of dry hair on the front of their head because they didnt want to risk soap in their eyes...). Assuming a follow-up wash is not required, we summon the winnder of the coin flip to start round two. The cycle continues as our patience and strength disappears. As each completes their shower, we give specific instructions (the SAME instructions EVERY night) about getting their pajamas on, brushing their teeth, taking out contacts, etc. Rarely are the tasks completed with out a follow-up request, but we get lucky on occasion. They whole time that we are using our intercom and issuing these instructions, I keep thinking... they are going to get it someday. My wife keeps counting down an imaginary clock saying that she has until they are 18 to train them to go out into the world and be self sufficient. I don't have the heart to tell her that in all likelihood they will be typical males that still struggle with the aforementioned mundane tasks into adulthood. I know my children are brilliant, intelligent, and creative beings that have unlimited potential. I just hope that there is not a section on "Showering" on the S.A.T. or A.C.T. ......

Susan

My wifes mother, Susan White, passed away this last Saturday. We were blessed to have her staying in our home, and she passed surrounded by those that she loved and those that loved her dearly. She had struggled for years against a body that was failing her before she answered God's call to come home. Experiencing the death of someone close to you is never easy. Trying to figure out how to explain that passing to two young boys is even harder. As I tried to support my wife and her family through this tragedy, I was amazed at her strength and emotional stability in the face something so terribly taxing. Susan, also known as Gigi, was a truly incredible person. She always tried to look on the bright side of everything. She never met a person that should couldn't have a conversation with, and she made friends in the strangest places. She never got lost....she just had adventures finding new routes to get to where she was going. She found joy in the most mundane tasks, particularly if they required a trip to any store. She loved our family more than life itself. Her grandchildren, Josh and Matthew, lit up her life and made her soul sing. She loved my wife, her only daughter, with all of her heart. She was a loyal and caring wife. I know that she has found a purple cloud (her favorite color) in Heaven and will be watching over us while she is snacking on her peaches and her other favorite sweets. We will miss her terribly.

Remember Who You Are....

The title of my new blog has been a Parker Family mantra for as long as I can remember... I'm pretty sure that it originated from my Grandmother Campbell who used to recite it whenever her children ventured out into the small community of Lexington, AL. Sayings like this and family identity have been a huge part of making me into the person that I am today. My siblings and I have tried to take them into our families whereever we can. I think of my Mom and Dad when I recite these pearls of wisdom and recieve the incredulous stares from our children in return. Family is important. It defines who you are......and what you represent. My Grandmother Parker was also a unique lady.... full of fire and love of family and friends that was never more evident than during family gatherings and holidays. All were welcome, invited or uninvited, family or not. My family is the most important thing in the world to me. I'm blessed to have been raised by two of the most extraordinary, kind, and passionate people that I will ever know. To complete the trifecta, my children, who will, in all likelihood, be the subjects of most of my future blogs, are two of the most kind, creative, and GOOD boys that you will ever meet. When I look at the adult, son, husband, and father that I've become, I could not be more proud of the roots and origins that have made me into the person that I am.